Green Card Me.......please?

Last Tuesday Jill and I had the remarkable experience of getting up at the wee hours of the morning and driving up to Salt Lake to be interviewed by the government so they could determine if our marriage was legitimate or not, so that they could then in turn grant me with the illustrious and illusive Green Card.

If you have never had an interview with the government, let me explain a few things for you.

The waiting room is quieter than a graveyard. It's not that there aren't any people in it, it's just that everyone is too terrified to say anything. Big Brother, as they say, is watching. And listening. And if you choose to go to Big Brother's house, you are asking them to listen in on everything you say. Now, who knows if that's actually true or not, but everyone in there waiting sure thought so. Jill, being not-foreign, has apparently yet to have that innate fear instilled in her, because she was talking about all sorts of things, cracking jokes, and being her usual charming self. Bless her soul.

So is Little Sister

When we finally were ushered in to our interview room, we sat down, and our interviewer, in his fancy Russian accent, made a few jokes. I didn't know how to react to that. I mean, a government agent was using humor to make us comfortable! I don't think I have ever seen that before in my life. Except for the time when I was crossing the border and one of the US Customs officers started laughing at something her customs pal had said. I looked quizzical at her and she said that he wanted to know if I had any ketchup potato chips with me.

Uh, yeah, actually, I did.

I even offered them some, but they declined. Probably for the best, since ketchup chips are absolute rubbish and they probably would have denied me entry because of the abomination they are (the chips, not the people). Don't ask why I had them. I had my reasons.

Anyway, so our Russian-American interviewer told us to raise our right arms. I thought he was still joking around, but apparently he wasn't, so Jill and I hesitantly raised our arms. After we swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (so help us God), he reverted back to his uncharacteristically good-natured self.

That's why when he asked where my old passport was, I thought he was joking.

When I told him I had no idea where it was, he asked for other proof of entry. Which I did have, just not the kind he wanted. I had the electronic I-94, but he wanted to see one before that. Which was in my old passport. Which I didn't have.

I'm pretty sure I could hear the sirens growing louder and the shuffle of officers behind me before they clapped my wrists with manacles and sent me off to the slammer before deporting me for ever.

That's when he told us that he really didn't need it anyway.

Well, there goes five years off my life. But I did show him other documents that worked just fine.

Then he realized something, opened a brown envelope, and tossed me my old passport. Apparently I had sent it in previously (which I shouldn't have done, by the way, since passports are government property and not mine to give). He then took the picture of our little boy that's still cooking inside my poor wife (the image to which I am referring is what most people call an "ultrasound" image) and made a copy of it, stamped his approval stamp on our application, and sent us on our way.

And then we drove away quickly (while still obeying the speed limit, of course).

It was a stressful time, but we stood firm (or rather, sat shaking) and were granted the coveted Card o' the Green. So it looks like I won't be carrying Jill away to some foreign land of snow and ice (you can thank me later, her family).

All in all, it really was an easy interview. We just had to show that yes, we were married, and yes, we plan on staying married. They don't like people to get married just for the permanent resident status. Don't worry, Government. We're gonna be together for a very. Long. Time (ie. forever).

The best part about being approved for the green card, however, is that I can finally stop playing that blasted Apples to Apples game.

Got my green card (still not a citizen, but close enough) 

The Honeymoon's Over

So we decided to keep a blog so that y'all can keep up with our comings and goings and whatnots. So this is it, the life of the newly weds (barf).

First of all, thanks to all you wonderful people who helped us get hitched (it took some doing) and making our honeymoon a reality.

To start off our über cute blog, here's our honeymoon!

The first day consisted of driving. Not much to tell there. Except we nearly got run off the road by the He**'s Angels biker gang. Don't believe us? Here's proof!

It's a Hell's Angel

What, you can't tell? Here, try this one...

Any better?

You still can't see the back of their jackets? Well, you're just going to have to trust us on this.

By the time we got through all the dadgummed traffic jams and whatnot, it was fairly late when we got to Palm Springs. So of course we ate out. Jill was so excited!

While we were at the super posh resort (really though, talk about feeling out of place. No, sorry, we're not owners. Oh, and what's that? We can't get a $75 gift card because we make less than 50 grand a year? Yup, let's just not fit in), we swam and got sunburned and stuff. And we were that awkward newly wed couple playing Small World (board game) by the swimming pool. We're so stinkin' cute, huh? Oh, and the pool people decided to have a little party with lots o' music. They blasted Cotten Eye Joe and, since nobody else was getting their dance on, we decided to show them all how it's done.

So basically it was us, two pasty white (or sunburned to a crisp) kids jumping around in front of, well, everyone else. And some lady videod us with her phone. Bonus points if you can find her video on YouTube. And since there was nothing else to do at the pool, all eyes were on us. We got a nice loud round of applause following our performance. You can get our autographs later.

We also spent a good long day at San Diego. First we went to the San Diego temple to do sealings. The temple was gorgeous (see below, but try to focus on the building, not the cute couple).

Wow, what a cute couple!

It was there, outside of the temple, that we met our new friends. We never really learned their names, but they are most certainly our best friends in San Diego. They were a family visiting from Utah. They asked us to take their picture. They took ours in return (see above). They asked if we were on vacation or what the heck we were doing there, and before we even told them, they guessed we were on our honeymoon. Good for them. They should try their luck at Family Feud.

Then we went to the Mormon Battalion historic site and got a fun tour!

That's us in/on a covered wagon. So pioneer of us!

We won't bore you with the details (although it was fascinating), but let it be known that, while watching the documentary before the tour, our new friends from the temple came in! So we went through the tour with them. The father said that they were just going to spend the rest of our honeymoon with us. Hey, why not. The more the merrier, right?

Following the tour we wandered the ol' fashioned streets nearby. We went into a 5-and-Dime store to avoid our new friends (because the more is apparently not the merrier), and then after a while of hiding out, proceeded to wander the streets. In no time at all, we had caught up with our friends at a corner. They were eating tortillas. They offered to buy us some, as a treat. Being the mooches we are, we took them up on their offer, stayed a while, ate, and chatted. Now we really are best friends.

But enough about them. You just want to hear about the beach, don't you? Of course you do.

Enter BEACH.

We got rocked around by the waves, got sand everywhere, and got another sunburn (on top of the other sunburns we already had).

Not much else to say about the beach, but look at these pretty pictures and be jealous.

Oh gosh put some clothes on...

Nothing beats sand. Except lightning. Lightning beats sand.

Just be grateful it didn't poop on us

Wet water (as opposed to the dry kind)

And then there was the pier. Holy wow was it nice. Yowzah. I mean, just look for yourself!

USS Midway, in all her majesty

Sail boats!

The breeze, the salt water smell, the everything was just...yup. Words can't describe.

On our last night there we took the Palm Springs Tram up the mountainside, up and away from civilization. It was beautiful. A whole lot of rocks and trees and nature.

And us.

We hiked around a bit before coming back to the top where we got dropped off to eat at their nice, fancy restaurant. The view looked out over, well, everything. We didn't get pictures because we were too busy mooning over each other and being that cute newly wed couple (barf).

And then we drove home.

Anyway, like we said, this is just a way for us to keep you that care (hi Mom[s]!) up to date on what's happening with us. And since our honeymoon happened, well, you get to hear (read?) about it. Love you all and have a very merry Christmas.

Cheers.